woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
