but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
