That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
