How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
