you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
