I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
