Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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