no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
