The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
