I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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