Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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