Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
