And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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