my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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