He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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