Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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