He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm getting married
To pizza
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
