how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Someone signed my nipple.
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