also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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