Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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