I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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