the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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