Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
