btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
