sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize