3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
