My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
