I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
operation have a gay friend backfired
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
