apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
