I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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