After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
