I skipped work to stalk him.
now i know why i became what i already was.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
