I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
