If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
