; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
