My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
