I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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