I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
