from now on my penis is your penis
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
