Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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