May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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