Only a mothe r could love this liver
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize