For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
