good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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