Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
