I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
