He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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