Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
