She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
