quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
