so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
