We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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