I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
