i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
