i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
