I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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