whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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