i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
