Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
