if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
