I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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