remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
