You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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