he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
